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Is it possible to change your personality?

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What to do in order to live consciously, constantly improve and develop, how to change yourself

No wonder the Japanese pay special attention to the topic of death. In their teachings, they say that everyone should strive for death, you must always remember that she is always there, and if you have a choice to live or die, then you need to choose death. Do not take it as a call for suicide! More details ..

What is our personality?

Our consciousness is a chain of programs that are laid down by society, parents, teachers and other well-wishers. In the case when our specific decision or idea contradicts the general program in the form of the Ego, then the fear of death arises, after changing one of the programs of our consciousness, it will not be the same as before. Consciousness changes under the pressure of the external environment or volitional efforts and in the form as it existed, it will not. In this case, a complete restructuring of neural circuits takes place in the brain, the scale of which depends on the complexity of the tasks and the volitional efforts taken. After any restructuring, this is not you, it is your modification, your transformed clone. That's why it's so hard to change ourselves inwardly, our way of life and way of thinking - it is like death for our ego.

Any transformation or change of ourselves is preceded by fear, since we fear everything unknown. Transformation (a type of mental death) is what we should strive for, if we want to create ourselves new, how to change ourselves according to our personal image, ideal, which was created by ourselves at our personal choice.

In fact, the source of all fear is the fear of death. It’s like a hierarchy of fears led by death, and only after realizing what death is, realizing the essence of death, all other fears simply cease to exist. Realizing death, we can say that a person becomes free. To know the joy of freedom, to experience the thrill of knowing that you are free, you need to die, but do it consciously, accepting it, do it of your own free will, but while still alive, and not wait until the physical body can withstand the schizophrenic fornication of consciousness in hell and die animal death. To die in life is to change yourself, or to transform into a new person, which is created by you.

How to Change Yourself - Transformation

Everyone can experience the boundless joy of freedom. Everyone once, was afraid of something, but with the help of will, overcoming fear, coped with the external situation in life, which was his cause. And at that moment, when the cause of fear disappears, a feeling of joy of freedom from its source appears. I like the expression that in the face of death we are all equal - we are cowardly.

When the mind riots, it feels threatened. He feels that he is losing control of the situation, control of you. Reason will interfere in every way to cross the barrier that he himself created only so that the “image of I” habitual to him exists. Crossing this barrier, difficulty or fear, you kill the old and create the new. The former you, with your mind and this barrier, the frame, no longer exists, but there is a new you that is free from the prejudice that you have overcome. This is death and birth and what it means to overcome fear, become more free and gain strength. This is what it means to overcome oneself or die and be born again. So the way of life and thinking changes, so we change ourselves.

One thing to realize is that we were born in order to die, but first we realized ourselves.The soul came to life in order to realize itself. This is one of the stages in the development of energy, and death is only one step, taking which and stepping over which, it goes to a new higher level of development. If you do not understand this, then we will cook in hell endlessly! This in no way means suicide, it means awareness of the need for spiritual growth and development.

The purpose of our life is to move, which is possible only if we are ready to change, We are ready to transform into a new image of ourselves, to change ourselves, we can let go of the old, completely abandon it and transform into a completely new person. Movement, creation, creation of energy - this is life itself.

- Why change yourself?

Is changing for the better unnatural?
Some people think: “You can change yourself, but why do it? Is this unnatural? You are who you are, why show violence against a person? ”

I’ll ask counter questions: “Well, what do you think shaped your personality, what factors influenced its formation? What are you the way you are now? It must be due to upbringing, parents, social circle and some kind of inborn parameters (heredity, natural dispositions, etc.).

Basically, all of these factors are random, those that you could not influence. After all, parents are not chosen and the circle of friends is also not always. Not to mention heredity and genes. It turns out that you consider the development of you as a person under the influence of external, arbitrary factors that are not very dependent on your will.

And attempts to consciously influence your character and habits, based on an understanding of who you want to become and the formation of what qualities you meet your goals - does this mean unnatural? Follow the circumstances, writing off everything to the mercy of chance ...

What is so right and natural about this? And why is conscious work on oneself, changing oneself for the better in order to achieve happiness and harmony, is this perceived as violence against oneself? ”

On the contrary, by defining yourself the vector of development of yourself, you bring that order into your life that you yourself desire and do not provide external circumstances to fully decide how you will be. This brings you closer to realizing your life plan, to satisfying yourself, your life and your environment, which you yourself choose, and are not satisfied with what external circumstances have imposed on you.

Regarding the question "why change yourself?". The answer is simple: self-development is a dynamic process of continuous improvement of all the best human qualities.

You may be interested in the article "Degradation of personality".

- How to achieve the desired image?

In order for the desired self-image to become attainable, the following conditions must take effect:

1) Understanding of the reasons that interfere with translating the plan into reality.

2) Change should not be grandiose. If you want to change dramatically, then you can hardly reverse the situation, change the usual way of reacting and thinking. Be less ambitious. Outline a few simple steps that can lead you to your cherished goal.

3) Methods aimed at changing you should be easy and simple. Most importantly, believe in your success and you will certainly succeed.

Representatives of the scientific world also do not consider personality as a static formation. They believe that it can change either under the influence of external circumstances, a situation, or purposefully, at the behest of the owner.

- Useful tips for those who want to change themselves

1) Do not be discouraged if you do not change immediately, it will take some time.

2) If you think that you cannot change who you are because of your parents or other people in your life, change in the little things. Cut down habits that you don’t like, and introduce new ones. If mom or dad asks what happened, explain to them that your self-esteem is all right, that you are just trying to feel more comfortable with yourself.

3) Change slowly. A sharp change can trigger questions. Address your problem and work with this area. Over time, this will become natural.

4) Remember that you do not need to change your essence in order to please people. It's hard to accept yourself for who you are, especially when you're in a bad mood, but love yourself. Then others can.

5) Start in the summer and then in the fall people will see you new.

6) Never change your essence just because others do not like you. If you are a nerd, do not become cutie just because they are “cool”. Take a look at the real ready group at your school. They all stand and laugh at the cuties and joke about how school hooligans will work for them one day.

Can I change myself?

Or indeed, a personality is something enduring and unchanging and all the metamorphoses that can occur in it, so to speak, are cosmetic and do not concern its essence. I am sure that you can change yourself and for the better: get rid of personal flaws, get and develop certain qualities, change the character ...

Everyone can, if they wish, transform beyond recognition: to overcome "natural" cowardice and shyness, becoming a strong character and confident, moderate the tendency to anxiety and anxiety, gaining strong nerves and equanimity. Yesterday’s timid and clogged youth, can become a sociable and confident young man, just by making some efforts.

And it would be a mistake to believe that the timidity and isolation of this young man is in his blood and that he is "naturally" clamped and not adapted to communication. This mistake, this error is not harmless, from a practical point of view, in nature, such as the error that Singapore is the capital of Africa (of course, provided that you do not pass the final exams in geography at the institute, and if you fail, waiting for a lot of unforgettable impressions in the vast expanses of our homeland as part of the army).

This false belief is much more dangerous than a harmless geographic one, because, believing that you can’t change yourself, you give up, are afraid to make efforts to work on yourself and live with your own shortcomings that prevent you from living and poison the lives of those around you people.

Why am I so sure that can you change yourself?

Firstly, the human species from nature is equipped with a strong adaptive potential, the ability to change, adapting to the conditions of the surrounding reality. This makes a person flexible and makes it possible to change either under external influence or by controlling the conscious efforts of the will from within, commensurate this effort with the internal need for personality change. (in the context of this resource, we are interested in the latter, namely, the conscious control of how we will change and whether we will at all. We ourselves want to decide what we should become? Right?)

Secondly, there are many examples of how people have changed for the worse or for the better. One such example is myself, the author of these lines. I was able, by overcoming internal resistance, to become more self-confident, disciplined, organized and sociable.

This manifested itself in improving the quality of my life and the implementation of significant achievements in life. But before, I also considered laziness, a tendency to experience and depression, cowardice, shyness, inability to keep and control my feelings natively with my enduring qualities and did not believe in the possibility of their change.

It seemed to me that I am what I am and will remain so. Reality showed that I was mistaken: I coped with depression and bouts of anxiety and panic without any pills or treatment, my mathematical abilities improved, (I previously thought that I didn’t have them at all) even my musical tastes had changed (not that they changed, but expanded greatly) and much more, this list can be continued for a very long time.

The value of fighting yourself

So I will insist that the reader of these lines, instead of ruining himself by faith in the immutability of his personality, still take and try to work on himself and change. Even if he does not succeed in becoming what he wants, his efforts will still be rewarded. Since the struggle and attempts to cope with the internal resistance, which will necessarily arise on the way, if you want to change yourself, always pay off!

Acting against resistance, against your weaknesses and rooted habits, you train your will and temper your character. The degree of control over your feelings increases and a sober understanding of what is happening inside you and what leads you comes!

And with the exact opposite. An individual who is accustomed to considering himself as a combination of unchanging characteristics, habits, shortcomings and pathologies always follows his own character and weaknesses. It remains as it is.

His will is not tempered in the struggle with feelings, it is controlled by his ego, fears and complexes. Every day he capitulates before them: his will weakens, and the true essence begins to fade behind an abundance of flaws and habits.

Inner struggle and resistance and their value is the core of my system of self-development and self-improvement. The value of these things is not only instrumental in nature (that is, it is not necessarily only a means of achieving a certain goal: the struggle against complexes for the sake of defeating them), but they also carry enormous value in themselves. I will write about this more than once in more detail.

Can a person change?

You must understand that your true personality is not a lot of habits, fruits of upbringing and childhood injuries. All this is just tinsel and the habits of the mind and feelings! . This is profitable, i.e. appeared as you become and also disappears if you only want to: after all, all this is not written in your genes. Personality is a dynamic concept, constantly changing, and not something predetermined forever!

Well, of course, there are some natural limitations, innate tendencies, etc. That which you will not influence in any way, and I perfectly understand it. At the same time, I see a universal need to exaggerate the number of those personality factors that supposedly cannot be influenced.

That which is simply an acquired flaw that manifests itself as a result of laziness and unwillingness to do something is mistakenly perceived by many as a natural and once and for all definite personality trait! Perhaps this is just a psychological ploy, designed to deduct responsibility for your character from a person.

This is the same blatant fallacy as “innate illiteracy”! (well, think how it can be innate? We are all born without knowledge of the language, our first words are the simplest syllables “MOM” “PAPA”) In fact, there are many properties of our being that we cannot fundamentally influence due to natural, There are far fewer natural limitations than we are all used to thinking.

And you yourself will be convinced of this when, as a result of your self-development, you will experience many positive personal metamorphoses that will affect those qualities that you previously considered to be rooted in you forever.

My experience of personality metamorphosis

I myself managed to overcome many internal negative character traits that had bothered me since childhood and would continue to bother me and ruin my life (and I was a very weak and painful child, and then young men and had many shortcomings (and now I have them, but much less)). It is a pity that I did not pay attention to them even then and did not begin to work on myself, having secured the confidence that I am able to cope with this.

And practice only confirmed my confidence, giving me a valuable result both in terms of developing my internal potential, and in the context of improving factors of external comfort and order (relationships with people, financial situation, life achievements, etc.), as a reflection of personality changes.

Usually those who say "I am such a person and will remain so" never tried to do something with themselves and change for the better. Then how do they know that nothing can be done?

How to change yourself? This is a big question and almost all materials on this site will be devoted to this. Indeed, self-development and self-improvement imply changes in oneself and this is always the case. Therefore, this article is simply an attempt to destroy the established misconception and call for action, and it can inspire hope in someone that you can change yourself. And you can find specific recommendations now and then as you publish on the pages of this site - the topic is very extensive.


Is changing for the better unnatural?

Once I ran into such an objection. “Like, yes, you can change yourself, but why do it? Is this unnatural? You are who you are, why show violence against a person? ”
I asked counter-questions: “Well, what do you think shaped your personality, what factors influenced its formation? What are you the way you are now? It must be due to upbringing, parents, social circle and some kind of inborn parameters (heredity, natural dispositions, etc.).

Basically, all of these factors are random, those that you could not influence. After all, parents are not chosen and the circle of friends is also not always. Not to mention heredity and genes. It turns out that you consider the development of you as a person under the influence of external, arbitrary factors that are not very dependent on your will.

А попытки сознательно воздействовать на свой характер и привычки, опираясь на понимание того кем ты хочешь стать и формирование каких качеств у тебя отвечает твоим целям — это значит противоестественно? Идти на поводу у внешних обстоятельств, списывая все на милость случая…

What is so right and natural about this? And why is conscious work on oneself, changing oneself for the better in order to achieve happiness and harmony, is this perceived as violence against oneself? ”

On the contrary, by defining yourself the vector of development of yourself, you bring that order into your life that you yourself desire and do not provide external circumstances to fully decide how you will be. This brings you closer to realizing your life plan, to satisfying yourself, your life and your environment, which you yourself choose, and are not satisfied with what external circumstances have imposed on you.

Regarding the question "why change yourself?". I answer it, perhaps, in a large number of my articles in explicit and implicit form. I will answer again. Self-development - is a dynamic process of continuous improvement of all the best human qualities.

The best and worst qualities of man

By the best qualities, I understand such qualities of nature that meet the considerations of personal comfort and happiness, harmonious relationships with people, success in life, overcoming difficulties, inner peace, order of thoughts, health, willpower and spiritual freedom.

Bad qualities are those that make us suffer, angry, torn in internal contradictions, complicate our lives and poison the lives of others, make us painful, dependent on passions and desires, weak mentally and physically.

Developing good qualities and freeing yourself from bad qualities, you strive for happiness and freedom, by doing the opposite, you fly into the abyss of suffering and dependence. Self-development implies the first. When you contribute to the development of the best properties of your nature, you change, as you show new abilities and old flaws disappear. This is the meaning of self-development in these positive personality metamorphoses.

That, in fact, is all, no sophisticated philosophy or relative morality, everything rests on your personal happiness and harmony, and not on some abstract ideas. This is what I want you to strive for and what this site is entirely dedicated to.

I have already said what a terrible mistake is confidence in the impossibility of changing yourself. But another dangerous thing is the lack of need to change something in yourself. Many believe that, and so are the crowns of creation, worthy representatives of the human species, and they saw all sorts of sites of self-development in a coffin.

It sometimes happens that a person is really very developed, but most often he falls into the trap of his pride and pride, believing that he has nowhere to develop, because there is almost always the opportunity to move somewhere and improve something.

And besides, very often education and upbringing are not able to fully develop personal potential (or they can even hurt somewhere), leaving behind a lot of gaping gaps, undisclosed abilities, hidden anxieties and complexes within the personality structure.

Therefore, in almost all cases it is necessary to make efforts in order to make something out of yourself: after all, few were so lucky that his teachers and parents were able to give the leap and solution necessary for the harmonious development of all emerging internal problems and contradictions.

If you are wondering Can I change myself?, then you recognize the presence in yourself of such properties that you need to change and do not consider yourself an ideal and a dead end of development and everything is not so scary, you take the first steps to self-development, standing on the verge of wonderful metamorphoses.

It remains only to arm myself with the support that I will provide you with my advice and recommendations for self-improvement, with a song to move into this difficult but bright path.

Update 01/22/2014: I highly recommend reading the wonderful book by Carol Duque - Flexible Consciousness on the topic of this article.

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